End of Life

I have tons of things to do and all I can say is, "Ang pogi pala ng residente namin."

• Buy practice paraphernalia/ Do basketball drills.
  
• Pharma quizzes
• 30 Viamins, fluids and electrolytes
• 30 Antibiotics to be memorized
• Health Education quiz
• "Among Crumbling People" presentation
• Reflection on "We Real Cool"
• Comparison and contrast on "Dry your tears, Africa!" and "The Gift Outright"
• Compile drugs and cases for July 13, 07 Evaluation
• Forms to be submitted
• Learning Experience
• Intraoperative Phase quizzes
• Postoperative Phase
• I.V. therapy, draping, skin prep
• positioning topic
• anesthesia topic

Cases

• Ruptured varicosities, DM foot, PVD, DM II
• Fracture, 9 y.o.
• CVD brainstem, left thalamus, cerebral edema
  
• Post-op thyroidectomy due to neoplasm
  

I actually cried when I received my "stroke" patient in the service ICU--partly because I pity him, and mainly because I cannot do anything for my patient. He just lied there in deep coma, complete with ET tube and cardiac monitor. Vital signs are stable but it's all just because of the machines there (monitor and mech'l vent). I felt useless because his life is not in our control anymore. I didn't want to see anyone die. Because of that, I didn't eat dinner at all, my groupmates couldn't talk to me anymore. It was all like a nightmare.

Unlike in the ward, patients are conscious, communicative, under pharmacologic therapy, and they can verbalize what they feel or if they are in pain or experience discomfort. It's tough to take care of a critical patient because it's very much of a life and death situation. And I just couldn't. Call me coward but I didn't want to harm anyone. I knew I had to assess the vital signs every 15 or 30 mins. and pupil reactions, motor reflexes, etc. but I just couldn't touch him. There were doctors to assess anyway so I just assisted. The next day, the family decided to take him home against medical advice so he was discharged and he was no longer my patient. I heard he died and that he is a far relative of ours.

In my heart and in my mind, I will never forget you, Sir. I hope you heard my name, at least, and when I said goodbye and that I'd be back tomorrow. There are things that we should accept, I guess. It maybe is your time and may you rest peacefully. My prayers are with you.